19sept2018

Been feeling down for months now. Not sure if it's the pregnancy making me crazy, and I'm so tired of everything being connected to it but it is, or just...the way I am. Had drastic changes in my life, mainly because the first trimester was so hard I couldn't eat, drink, work, or do anything...

20180213

lately i've been struggling with my self esteem, and i hate it. things are going great but i still feel inept; i still feel like i am not enough. i can't stop comparing myself to others and see why they're so much better than me. i know it's not good for me, so i end...

20180101

Always better to stay in the surface where it is sunny and warm, Cos when you go underneath you’ll learn that the light barely gets through– And it’s cold and dark and although you know the world is out there, You couldn’t shake that empty feeling off. And you start to get comfortable, And though...

20171101

I am happy  (✿ ◕‿◕ ✿)

20171025

Dysthymia. I hate that I could be very happy with my life and still wanna die. I hate that everything could be going well and I'd still be unhappy the moment I am alone. I hate that as much as I appreciate the serenity of solitude, there are still things that terrify me so much...

20170712

It is terrifying to be griped by the sudden realization that you are alone. Actually, I'm sick and I'm probably just feeling so ill it makes me overreact, so that's the first theory. But the more profound theory is that I really just am alone. Of course I prefer this theory because, as previously established,...

20170605

It's back. I'm quite alive and productive. I've written three songs I deem decent enough to be recorded, and I couldn't be happier. Well the songs aren't happy but I am glad I'm doing something good out of all these ~feelings~. I just have to push myself forward and work on it. Practice and strive...

20170601

Today is probably yet another one of the worst days I've had in a while. I caught myself muttering thoughts of bodily harm again. I was walking on my way home and I kept wishing for any car or truck to hit me. For one of those vehicles to explode. I just wanted something quick...

20170524

Another day, another breakdown.  The first this week. Maybe third or fourth for the whole month. I am frustrated that the things that make me happy are so out of reach, might be far into the future. I am overcome with great sorrow and there is nothing I could do but go through it. I...

20170520

I don't know what I'm doing here. I feel like an outsider. Around people who came here for an experience,  and I, a mere spectator, cannot find anything remotely resembling connection to anything, anyone. I don't know what I'm doing here. I feel oddly at home when no one notices me, yet uncomfortable because I...