It is terrifying to be griped by the sudden realization that you are alone. Actually, I'm sick and I'm probably just feeling so ill it makes me overreact, so that's the first theory. But the more profound theory is that I really just am alone. Of course I prefer this theory because, as previously established,... Continue Reading →


It's back. I'm quite alive and productive. I've written three songs I deem decent enough to be recorded, and I couldn't be happier. Well the songs aren't happy but I am glad I'm doing something good out of all these ~feelings~. I just have to push myself forward and work on it. Practice and strive... Continue Reading →


Today is probably yet another one of the worst days I've had in a while. I caught myself muttering thoughts of bodily harm again. I was walking on my way home and I kept wishing for any car or truck to hit me. For one of those vehicles to explode. I just wanted something quick... Continue Reading →


Another day, another breakdown.  The first this week. Maybe third or fourth for the whole month. I am frustrated that the things that make me happy are so out of reach, might be far into the future. I am overcome with great sorrow and there is nothing I could do but go through it. I... Continue Reading →


I don't know what I'm doing here. I feel like an outsider. Around people who came here for an experience,  and I, a mere spectator, cannot find anything remotely resembling connection to anything, anyone. I don't know what I'm doing here. I feel oddly at home when no one notices me, yet uncomfortable because I... Continue Reading →


Sometimes I wonder why I'm sad. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am happy. I have to tell myself that things are going well, and there is no reason to be sad. But still, I feel down as if nothing is going right. As if nothing makes sense anymore and I am just... Continue Reading →


It rained today. It was sudden-- it was bright when the raindrops fell and the cool breeze came in. I went out to watch the rain, and I felt I've never been that happy in weeks. I was smiling, laughing, and I kept telling my friends that it was raining, and that I was so... Continue Reading →


I'm crying again. I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe I'm just unhappy. Maybe I just fucked up in some way, and I don't know how to fix it. Or I do, but I just don't want to. Or maybe it's 1:00 a.m. again and I am here, writing, because I have no one... Continue Reading →

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